Mike Bullock’s report on The Beast

Look I know I said I’d only do rubbish reports, but I need to do The Beast justice.

A 5 mile lap of mud, big hills, mud, horse jumps, mud, lakes to wade thru, mud, fences, mud, water jumps, mud, scramble nets (I’d have preferred scrabble nets), mud, fast-feet tyre obstacles, mud, ditches and yet more mud. The end of lap 1 delivers a sludgy steep uphill, to break any last vestiges of willpower you may have

After 1 lap you are given the ‘quit’ option where you retire to lick your wounds, or the ‘double’ option where you coax your broken body into a 2nd lap, with the knowledge that that final killer hill lies in wait after 9.8 miles !!!!!!.

Despite the heavy rain, and me slipping into the lake (full submersion is not pleasant), freezing cold, Obviously the sensible chap that I am, one lap was never an option, and believe me its worse the 2nd time as you know what torture is coming.

Awesome marshalls with a great sense of humour, and some fantastic camaraderie amongst the mud-splattered competitors made this a must-do event from the same team that organised the Skeleton Run .

The only negative I can find is the lack of orange-boxes for tiny fellas like me to stand on to get over the jumps; long-legged titans strode imperiously over obstacles like a greek god hurdling an ant. Next year I will be sellotaping bean tins to the soles of my trainers to resolve this issue

I finished in 75 mins and whilst I dont know my official position, one of the marshalls told me I was in the top 20

Thoroughly enjoyable in a sadistic way, with a wicked twist at the end – the field full of cars became so boggy (did i mention the mud and the rain?) that we had to spend half an hour pushing all the stuck cars out; just what my beaten body needed!


Chris McDonnell did the Great North West Half Marathon at Blackpool in 1.34.44

Scroll to Top